22/03/1980: Dear Diary: Today while I was bored I decided to stick a jar of mayonnaise up my ass. But then it wouldn’t come out… Shit… So I went to the doctors to try and have it removed. The Doctor reached inside my anal cavity and said “I can’t seem to find it. I replied with “It’s super far up there… Keep looking”. He reached even further in but still couldn’t find it. “We’re gonna need to do an X-ray” he said. Then I told him I was fine and there was no jar. I just really wanted him to reach deep inside my asshole and left. I still see that doctor from time to time though…