28/02/1980: Dear Diary: One day I went to the store and saw a kid there, A funny kid. He couldn't do math so good though. So I helped him with it his homework. But midway through he told me his parents have been arguing a lot as of late. I felt sorry for the kid. So I asked if he wanted revenge and the kid enthusiastically nodded. So I slit the kids throat and nailed a cardboard sign to his chest saying"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" and I placed him outside his parents house.. I wonder if he had a name...

01/03/1980: Dear Diary: I was on the toilet to take a huge shit. But no matter how hard I pushed nothing would come out. I kept pushing and pushing because I really needed that shit. But as I pushed a punch of liquid came spewing out of my asshole. Good I thought until I realised some of my entrails had been shit out. Which is... not good. I had to quickly shove it all back inside of me which hurt like a fucking bitch. Didn't help my organs where now covered in my liquid shit. How did I survive this? God helped... I think...

04/03/1980: Dear Diary: My back really hurt. It hurt like a bitch. Being 300 pounds probably didn't help but i'm not losing all that weight that's way too much effort. So I came up with a more... Creative solution. I shoved rocks up my ass. And it worked! But my ass is so sore now... Worth it...

06/03/1980: Dear Diary: I was in bed with my girlfriend when I was fucking her. I was fucking her pretty good but she looked bored so I asked her what was wrong. She said my dick just didn't reach her pleasure spot and that I wasn't big enough. So I quickly grabbed some scotch tape and a razor blade and cut my dick in half, then I taped the cut off end to the other. She screamed at me and ran away calling me psycho. Ungrateful bitch...

07/03/1980: Dear Diary: Today my Grandma called me crying on the phone. She was profusely apologising for abusing me as a youth. I had to mute myself so she couldn't hear me laughing. She is such a funny lady...

10/03/1980: Dear Diary: I saw a cat abandoned in an alleyway looking starved. I took it home and shaved it. I then started force feeding it its own fur to try and bring it back to health. Luckily it choked to death which was cool to see. Yeah I'm a vet..

12/03/1980: Dear Diary: I've been feeling stressed as hell as of late so I went in search of ways to relieve stress. I heard of these fun things called"Stress Balls". I ripped my eye out of my socket because I couldn't be bothered to buy one. It's squishy and still warm. The toystore I was in didn't seem so thrilled.

13/03/1980: Dear Diary: I was in a chilli con carne competition when I saw a mother and daughter with their chilli. I looked over at them and shouted at them"Hey two people can't work on the same chill! That's cheating!". She smiled at me telling me it was"just for fun" or some shit like that. So I walked away about... 10-20 feet? Then I ran over and pushed over their Chilli. The mother gave me a frustrated look as the daughter cried and said they were going home. Just to make sure I broke the daughter's arm. Nobody fucks with the Chilli king!

15/03/1980: Dear Diary: I decided to follow a woman home to her home in a rural area. I broke in and hid in her shower all day waiting for her to come in so I could watch her get naked. The next day she finally started undressing and I started masturbating as it was extremely sexually arousing. Though I guess I was too loud because the bitch pepper sprayed me! If you ask me my mom should chill the fuck out. She saw me naked when I was little!

19/03/1980: Dear Diary: I was walking my dog around the road when an old lady came up to and started randomly berating me for abusing my dog. I looked at my dog and it seemed fine as the woman threatened to call the police. She said I was a fucking Psycho! Even if I killed my dog I should be allowed to walk it. The gunshot wound isn't that noticeable surely...

22/03/1980: Dear Diary: Today while I was bored I decided to stick a jar of mayonnaise up my ass. But then it wouldn't come out... Shit... So I went to the doctors to try and have it removed. The Doctor reached inside my anal cavity and said"I can't seem to find it. I replied with"It's super far up there... Keep looking". He reached even further in but still couldn't find it."We're gonna need to do an X‐ray" he said. Then I told him I was fine and there was no jar. I just really wanted him to reach deep inside my asshole and left. I still see that doctor from time to time though...

23/03/1980: Dear Diary: I woke up in the middle of the night panicking thinking some worm was trying to eat it's way inside of my stomach. I quickly threw off the covers but it turns out it was just my penis. My very small penis... I'm never gonna please any girl... I'm such a fucking loser...

25/03/1980: Dear Diary: Someone was telling me today about how if you eat watermelon seeds, a watermelon will grow inside your stomach killing you! What this has to do with minorities I have no clue... but I hate those fuckers too...

28/03/1980: Dear Diary: I was at McDonalds with my two friends and girlfriend. But then I saw some absolute unit of a fat fuck ordering at the front. Somehow he's fatter than I am and I'm 300lbs+. So I really wanted to look tough in front of my girlfriend and friends and shout to him"Hey! You fat fucking tub of grease don't order too much food and save some for the rest of us you waste of tax payers money!". What I didn't expect was him to fucking sprint towards like a fucking battle tank and start beating the living shit out of me! And while he was beating the fucking shit of me I got a mad erection and was rock solid right in the middle of McDonalds where everyone saw! Even my girlfriend! The fat fuck called me a homo and my girlfiend left me right then and there. I went home and cried myself to sleep that night... I'm such a stupid asshole...

03/04/1980: Dear Diary: I was near some bus stop when I leaned on the glass waiting for the bus. And the fucking glass shattered and I got cut up. I'm such a fat fuck...

26/04/2026: Dear Diary: So, at approximately 17:45, I was waiting for a reply, so I would know what they wanted done to this section of the site. It’s now 22:13, and still no reply. They said they wanted this chapter in another dropdown, but, at 22:01, they said this: “Hang. I just had a better idea for all this.” And now it’s 22:18, and the only thing I can relate to is the ‘Hang’ part. On many levels, I’m still waiting for the ‘Better idea’, and I don’t know when the better idea will be told…